I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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