I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
