Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
