just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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