i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
