i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
