I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sarcasm needs its own font
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
