I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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