We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
