apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
