Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
