thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
