just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
