if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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