I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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