I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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