Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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