Betty ford says i'm here all night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
