Too much gin, very little bucket
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
