I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize