he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize