eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
