Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize