Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
