Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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