so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
