My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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