he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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