Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
