community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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