How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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