How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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