I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
