Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
