It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
