Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
