No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
