then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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