She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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