IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
