I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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