I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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