Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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