Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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