Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
