haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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