He asked to "fluff my boner.."
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
