I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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