No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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