He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
