I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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