you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
