please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
