For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
