So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
