he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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