the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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