i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
