Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
