I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
