I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
