someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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