in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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