I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
