You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
